Learning and trying to understand

Some of the best prayers have been when thoughts have come to help me recognize already what I have. Last night was one of those experiences. It was an 'a-ha' moment of learning about the gift of the Holy Ghost. All my life I have tried to be exactly devoted and obedient. I'm definitely not perfect and I make the same mistakes all the time and it becomes so frustrating at time. I think, "am I really growing and changing?" I have to remember that change is a very subtle thing and over time if I consistently do what is right my heart will have better desires and I will see that change. 

But about being obedient, I recognize that because I'm trying to live right I know I have the Holy Ghost with me because I know when I don't. I would not know that if I was breaking the commandments or involving me with things that would drive the Spirit away. If that were the case, I would almost become desensitized to the Spirit and become "past feeling". I thought, what a blessing it is to feel the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost because even when I don't always have this burning in my bosom I recognize that the Spirit has not left me. I am constantly trying to invite it in to my life so I may recognize more of when things are not aligned with my Savior's will. That is why the gift of the Holy Ghost is the greatest gift I will ever receive and having it as my constant companion.

If you think about it, some of the greatest decisions I've had to make where I plead for answers have already been answered throughout my life because I've tried to live worthy of those blessings but more importantly because it has brought the gift of the Holy Ghost. It did not take a major revelatory experience to make me understand that the answer was always there. It started the day I got baptized. It started the day I wanted to read my scriptures. It started the day I truly wanted to pray to Heavenly Father.

I'm a bit of a nerd but I read parts of the seminar that was addressed to the new mission presidents. I just soak up every opportunity I can to hear the words of prophets. I didn't read it for the intent of "this will be me someday" but more of "how can I become a better disciple of Jesus Christ?" I loved what Pres. Monson said: "Put your confidence in the Lord. ... If you take the Lord with you, you will find out that His Spirit goes before you." He also said: "My brothers and sisters, you have been hand-selected. You have been chosen from among the most faithful in the Church, and now you have the opportunity to go forth in the Lord’s harvest field." How would it feel to be told by a Prophet of God that you have been chosen from among the most faithful in the Church? That would incredibly humbling. Speaking about being obedient but more of having a change of heart, I love this by Pres. Eyring: “It is not what we have done that matters,” he said. “It is how our hearts have been changed through our faithful obedience. And only God knows that.”


God is good and kind and I'm so grateful that He is and extends mercy to me every day.

Happy Birthday Austin!!

If you have wondered the last little while why I've had a grin on my face all the time, it's because of this kid and today is his birthday!

So I will give a recap of my story about how we met and just little bits here and there...

-First time I saw Austin was in the Hinckley chapel at Institute the beginning of the semester (for some reason he looked really familiar) but I didn't know who he was but I thought he was pretty cute. I leaned over to my friend to asked if she knew him and she said that he was an usher for devotional in the fall semester. After opening exercises we break into our classrooms and I'm not going to lie, I secretly hoped that he was coming to my class, "Patriarchs of the Old Testament". Yep, I got lucky and he was in my class and he sat right behind me. My plan was for me to turn around and talk to him but I thought to wait until after class. I was totally bummed when he left early. Fail. Epic fail.

-It wasn't until a week or two later that we did introductions in class. He introduced himself as Austin Doutre from Puyallup, Washington and instantly someone asked if he was Nathan's brother and so I had to pipe in and ask if he was Dani's (Mere's old roommate) brother. Bingo! Found a perfect opportunity to talk with him after class. There's always a little linger longer with treats with all the classes afterwards so this was a great time to talk to him. Before I left with my friend, I quickly said hello and asked about an update on Dani's life.
I didn't realize until later but apparently both of us texted our sisters that night and said that we met one another. I guess Dani called Meredith and told her that she had revelation that we needed to get together! (In my mind I'm thinking, "I'm ok with that! :) But after that he didn't show up to Institute for a month! (I still don't let him down about that...)

Finally a month later, the beginning of March, I go to Institute and it just so happens that my good friend couldn't make it that night...I kinda had a hunch that Austin was finally going to be there. (I didn't realize until a few weeks ago that he invited a girl to Institute that same night but she didn't show up either....coincidence?) I didn't see him at first in the chapel but I sat down and then he came soon afterwards and sat next to me and we talked a little bit. We then sat next to each other at class and we walked to the library together afterwards. I then thought, "I'm not going to see him for another week, I got to do something about this" so I quickly invited him to dinner on Sunday with a bunch of people from my home evening group. It was planned that we would go to the CES fireside right afterwards. To Austin, this was a bold move on my part but we just had a lesson about doing something instead of regretting it later so I just did it! And it worked like a charm. Ever since then, it's just been real. good. fun. :)


Moments to laugh about:
-After the CES fireside that first Sunday we took a shortcut to my apartment but that meant trying to maneuver around in a skirt around mud but it didn't turn out so well and I got mud in my toes and white shoes...yep, great first impression.
-Our first date to a concert turned out to be a threesome. Not to mention I was really sick and I was coughing up a lung the ENTIRE time. I was near tears it was hurting so bad. Thankfully he overlooked that :)
-I made it up to him by making a scrumptious, yet fatty salad dinner. I was planning on wearing something nicer than a t-shirt but he was quite early than expected so he was in a suit (because of  devotional that afternoon) while I was wearing my in-n-out burger t-shirt that had stains on it. Yeah, super attractive.
-the night we decided we were going to date each other, the previous 2 hours at Institute I got asked on a date and there was no way I could get out of it (long story)
-First time he tried to kiss me on the cheek he kissed my eye! (or so he says)
-Oh and kissing his coat collar is pretty grand too as we found out :) haha
-Our favorite word is an enthusiastic "yes!"
-He nearly gave me a heart attack when he was debating on who to root for on the first football game: Washington State Cougars (ugly maroon color) or the true blue BYU Cougars (fyi: he knew this would get me all up tight, that's why he did it). I nearly had to pace the 2nd floor of the library I was so flustered ;)

Austin is the best guy I know. My computer dashboard is where I keep my sticky notes of things Austin has said to me that I want to remember and my dashboard is pretty much filled to the max. He's so good in so many ways. Thanks Austin for making me a better person! Happy Birthday!
Love,
Julia

Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth

I've felt like I've learned a lot more this week as I have prepared more for class discussions. The topic was on parenting and especially parenting with teens. The purposes of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in society. And eternally to help them become like Heavenly Father. There are 4 character traits that we need as parents and children: courage, cooperation, responsibility, and respect. There are three types of parenting styles: permissive which is freedom without limits, autocratic which is limits without freedom, and active parenting which is freedom within limits. I learned a lot from the videos that had the many examples of different styles of parenting. One of them the mother was wondering how her son was doing and how he was worried about some things in high school. What we noticed that the mother did was she related to her own experiences, she didn't lecture, she validated his feelings, she was completely focused on him and not on other tasks like laundry. All of this will develop love and mutual respect between the parent and teenager.

Here's a great video from Elder Hales' talk on touching the hearts of the youth. Hope you enjoy!

I'm so glad when Dad comes home

I think we underestimate the power and the effect of fathers. I've known a lot of people who have not had a father in their life and it's been been really hard and effective their teenage years considerably. They need the stability and the effect will go along way. For me, I love my Dad and I have a lot of great memories of him. I remember sitting on his lap every Saturday during a BYU football game and enjoying it together. I grew up loving football because of it and it's been something that we do together still today. Another thing I remember is I was so excited to have him come home so when I knew he was on his way I would make a stance and when he came through the door I would run and jump into his arms. It was the best feeling to get his whisker kisses and hug him real tight. You just can't substitute that kind of feeling for anything.

Here is a video from the Church about fathers.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&vgnextoid=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD&channelId=bd163ca6e9aa3210VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD&sourceId=5b2ab0333ee92210VgnVCM100000176f620a____

Can you hear me now?........Good.

For so long we hear the root to all marriage problems come from lack of communication but after taking a marriage class and studying communication this week it's not that people lack on communication but the way they interpret it and how we portray it. Communication ranges from so many areas that it's hard to pick up the silent cues. Just from a wink to a eyes narrowing can express a variety of what we're feeling and thinking. Usually non verbal is the most effective. Our body language speaks louder than words.

My favorite part of this week was learning about counseling with our councils. I remember in my house when there was a family council I knew it meant serious business and I secretly loved them. I guess I was always interested in things like that. I remember my Dad presided and even at an early age my parents included us in decision making. That made an impact on me on I was viewed in the family as having a role to contribute.

I loved learning how the Brethern counsel together. I've heard Elder Bednar say that in one meeting Elder Oaks had this idea and presented it and the Brethern pulverise it. And Elder Oaks took it graciously and thanked the Brethern for his opinion. To me that would take a lot of humility to think you had this great idea and then to have it destroyed in a way by your peers.

It's interesting that they get at the temple early to chat with each other about their families and such. They sing hymns (I Need Thee Every Hour is the most frequent sung) and then they pray. After they discuss then they close with a prayer and have chocolate or pie! Now that it is a God sent plan for any counsel meeting :) I just had a meeting with my directors for service activities and I was thinking how much better it would have been with chocolate :)

Overall I hope to take counsel from the Brethern on how to effectually counsel our leaders but most importantly our families. These are the principles governed by God and they are the use for our benefit.

Partaking of the bitter cup without becoming bitter

That is probably one of my favorite sayings from Elder Neal A. Maxwell. He quotes that so often in his talks. But in dealing with coping and crisis that is truly how it is. We have to learn to partake of the bitterness without becoming bitter for that is how Christ did it.

It's how we respond to tragedy that builds or destroys our character. In our class we learned about the ABC model where A is the actual event, B is the behavioral response, and C is the cognition or how the family defines the stress depending on how they responded to it. There are too many examples to share but since my sister Meredith is one of the few that reads this I will share an example of how their family dealt with a stressful situation (don't you feel proud Mere that you're on my blog :). They got to Arizona not too long ago when their car got stolen and the people who stole it tried to set it on fire. When Meredith told her husband Bryan after he came home from a long day of medical school he said nonchalantly "well that sucks." Haha! To read more go to their blog post about it! But what a way to deal with a crisis-with humor :) It reminds me of something I saw about a town destroyed by fire and many houses were burned to the ground. On one of the lawns of the house there was a sign that said "finally-termite free."

But there are also tragedies that takes years to recover. I know that situations in our family right now that there our problems increase even when the blessings still flow. It's hard to put words how hard it has been for some of them. Sometimes we're in phases where we managed them as they come or we say that is the hardest thing our family has gone through. And some of the time we say that because of this crisis our family is better because of it and we've actually grown closer together.

One example that I overheard at work was a husband and wife had 10 children together. Three months after their last child was born, the mother passed away. The husband said "God I still believe in you but really? Do you really need her on the other side of the veil rather than on earth?" It wasn't out of anger but more of trying to understand. Years later when he related this story he looked at one of his sons as they were hometeaching and thought, "my kids would not be where they are today without that experience." To me, the mother died to save her kids in the gospel.

Of course the greatest Healer in all of this is Jesus Christ and because of His life and death He doesn't overwhelm us but helps us overcome the world. Here's a great video about it.

The grass is greener....

On the side you water. This is the same for marital fidelity. You can't be watering some old boyfriend's grass at the same time. It just doesn't work. You stick to your side with your spouse. I love what Pres. Monson said, "Choose your love. Love your choice." I especially love how he uses the words "fiercely loyal" to your spouse once your married. Something funny that Bro. Williams brought up yet true about the word intimate is basically saying in-to-my-mate.

The side you water is not the side of your origin of family. I remember a girl in my marriage class saying it was so hard after she got married to tell everything to her spouse and not to her mom or her girl friends who she was really close to. I used to hate that my friends changed and moved on with their lives once they got married and we didn't hang out as much and now I'm like that's the way it should be!

With regards to fidelity, it's even a problem in the Church and the sad thing is I've seen it happening and how it ended. You just can't take chances and there has to be specific boundaries with you and your spouse of what you're going to do to stay true to each other. I really like what someone brought up about how this relates to fraud in accounting. He said that there was an opportunity, an incentive, and then rationalization. With the increase spread of technology it's so become harder for members to maintain fidelity and easy for them to "rekindle" past relationships, especially through social networking like facebook. Not to mention the damaging effects of pornography. It was also interesting in my Doctrine and Covenants class that we were talking about the same thing about the scripture of cleaving unto thy wife and none else. This is not only to a person but to any other activity or distraction that would pull you away from your spouse. Bro. Baron told of a quote he heard from Elder Eyring at the time in 1994 where he said, "right now you can step into the river of wickedness and quickly come out but the time will come very soon where you it will be difficult to step into that same river and not be washed away." (It was something to that affect). What was interesting is that the internet was really launching in 1995 and we can see the enormous it has on good and evil.

Ok here is something that would apply to me only probably but I love period dramas and their plots are amazing but sometimes I secretly you watch them because of the attractive men (do you not?!) Thankfully I'm not into twilight but I never realized that I guess this series is destroying marriages like crazy and I'm not sure all of the reasons but sad to think that it was written by an LDS woman...anyway the reason I brought up period dramas and oh so handsome men is I guess from my class standpoint this could also be a form of infidelity because it's like if the husband said, "we're going to watch this great movie with Angelina Jolie because she's hot." yeah that wouldn't go well with the wife. So is the same with women and our lovely Mr. Darcy? I mean how could you not watch this guy in North and South (go ahead, take a look...wait! not if you're married don't look ;)

Another great video to watch put on by the Church.
http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages-gallery?lang=eng&query=watch+your+step#watch-your-step

What are your thoughts on all of this?