Can you hear me now?........Good.

For so long we hear the root to all marriage problems come from lack of communication but after taking a marriage class and studying communication this week it's not that people lack on communication but the way they interpret it and how we portray it. Communication ranges from so many areas that it's hard to pick up the silent cues. Just from a wink to a eyes narrowing can express a variety of what we're feeling and thinking. Usually non verbal is the most effective. Our body language speaks louder than words.

My favorite part of this week was learning about counseling with our councils. I remember in my house when there was a family council I knew it meant serious business and I secretly loved them. I guess I was always interested in things like that. I remember my Dad presided and even at an early age my parents included us in decision making. That made an impact on me on I was viewed in the family as having a role to contribute.

I loved learning how the Brethern counsel together. I've heard Elder Bednar say that in one meeting Elder Oaks had this idea and presented it and the Brethern pulverise it. And Elder Oaks took it graciously and thanked the Brethern for his opinion. To me that would take a lot of humility to think you had this great idea and then to have it destroyed in a way by your peers.

It's interesting that they get at the temple early to chat with each other about their families and such. They sing hymns (I Need Thee Every Hour is the most frequent sung) and then they pray. After they discuss then they close with a prayer and have chocolate or pie! Now that it is a God sent plan for any counsel meeting :) I just had a meeting with my directors for service activities and I was thinking how much better it would have been with chocolate :)

Overall I hope to take counsel from the Brethern on how to effectually counsel our leaders but most importantly our families. These are the principles governed by God and they are the use for our benefit.

Partaking of the bitter cup without becoming bitter

That is probably one of my favorite sayings from Elder Neal A. Maxwell. He quotes that so often in his talks. But in dealing with coping and crisis that is truly how it is. We have to learn to partake of the bitterness without becoming bitter for that is how Christ did it.

It's how we respond to tragedy that builds or destroys our character. In our class we learned about the ABC model where A is the actual event, B is the behavioral response, and C is the cognition or how the family defines the stress depending on how they responded to it. There are too many examples to share but since my sister Meredith is one of the few that reads this I will share an example of how their family dealt with a stressful situation (don't you feel proud Mere that you're on my blog :). They got to Arizona not too long ago when their car got stolen and the people who stole it tried to set it on fire. When Meredith told her husband Bryan after he came home from a long day of medical school he said nonchalantly "well that sucks." Haha! To read more go to their blog post about it! But what a way to deal with a crisis-with humor :) It reminds me of something I saw about a town destroyed by fire and many houses were burned to the ground. On one of the lawns of the house there was a sign that said "finally-termite free."

But there are also tragedies that takes years to recover. I know that situations in our family right now that there our problems increase even when the blessings still flow. It's hard to put words how hard it has been for some of them. Sometimes we're in phases where we managed them as they come or we say that is the hardest thing our family has gone through. And some of the time we say that because of this crisis our family is better because of it and we've actually grown closer together.

One example that I overheard at work was a husband and wife had 10 children together. Three months after their last child was born, the mother passed away. The husband said "God I still believe in you but really? Do you really need her on the other side of the veil rather than on earth?" It wasn't out of anger but more of trying to understand. Years later when he related this story he looked at one of his sons as they were hometeaching and thought, "my kids would not be where they are today without that experience." To me, the mother died to save her kids in the gospel.

Of course the greatest Healer in all of this is Jesus Christ and because of His life and death He doesn't overwhelm us but helps us overcome the world. Here's a great video about it.

The grass is greener....

On the side you water. This is the same for marital fidelity. You can't be watering some old boyfriend's grass at the same time. It just doesn't work. You stick to your side with your spouse. I love what Pres. Monson said, "Choose your love. Love your choice." I especially love how he uses the words "fiercely loyal" to your spouse once your married. Something funny that Bro. Williams brought up yet true about the word intimate is basically saying in-to-my-mate.

The side you water is not the side of your origin of family. I remember a girl in my marriage class saying it was so hard after she got married to tell everything to her spouse and not to her mom or her girl friends who she was really close to. I used to hate that my friends changed and moved on with their lives once they got married and we didn't hang out as much and now I'm like that's the way it should be!

With regards to fidelity, it's even a problem in the Church and the sad thing is I've seen it happening and how it ended. You just can't take chances and there has to be specific boundaries with you and your spouse of what you're going to do to stay true to each other. I really like what someone brought up about how this relates to fraud in accounting. He said that there was an opportunity, an incentive, and then rationalization. With the increase spread of technology it's so become harder for members to maintain fidelity and easy for them to "rekindle" past relationships, especially through social networking like facebook. Not to mention the damaging effects of pornography. It was also interesting in my Doctrine and Covenants class that we were talking about the same thing about the scripture of cleaving unto thy wife and none else. This is not only to a person but to any other activity or distraction that would pull you away from your spouse. Bro. Baron told of a quote he heard from Elder Eyring at the time in 1994 where he said, "right now you can step into the river of wickedness and quickly come out but the time will come very soon where you it will be difficult to step into that same river and not be washed away." (It was something to that affect). What was interesting is that the internet was really launching in 1995 and we can see the enormous it has on good and evil.

Ok here is something that would apply to me only probably but I love period dramas and their plots are amazing but sometimes I secretly you watch them because of the attractive men (do you not?!) Thankfully I'm not into twilight but I never realized that I guess this series is destroying marriages like crazy and I'm not sure all of the reasons but sad to think that it was written by an LDS woman...anyway the reason I brought up period dramas and oh so handsome men is I guess from my class standpoint this could also be a form of infidelity because it's like if the husband said, "we're going to watch this great movie with Angelina Jolie because she's hot." yeah that wouldn't go well with the wife. So is the same with women and our lovely Mr. Darcy? I mean how could you not watch this guy in North and South (go ahead, take a look...wait! not if you're married don't look ;)

Another great video to watch put on by the Church.
http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages-gallery?lang=eng&query=watch+your+step#watch-your-step

What are your thoughts on all of this?