Learning and trying to understand

Some of the best prayers have been when thoughts have come to help me recognize already what I have. Last night was one of those experiences. It was an 'a-ha' moment of learning about the gift of the Holy Ghost. All my life I have tried to be exactly devoted and obedient. I'm definitely not perfect and I make the same mistakes all the time and it becomes so frustrating at time. I think, "am I really growing and changing?" I have to remember that change is a very subtle thing and over time if I consistently do what is right my heart will have better desires and I will see that change. 

But about being obedient, I recognize that because I'm trying to live right I know I have the Holy Ghost with me because I know when I don't. I would not know that if I was breaking the commandments or involving me with things that would drive the Spirit away. If that were the case, I would almost become desensitized to the Spirit and become "past feeling". I thought, what a blessing it is to feel the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost because even when I don't always have this burning in my bosom I recognize that the Spirit has not left me. I am constantly trying to invite it in to my life so I may recognize more of when things are not aligned with my Savior's will. That is why the gift of the Holy Ghost is the greatest gift I will ever receive and having it as my constant companion.

If you think about it, some of the greatest decisions I've had to make where I plead for answers have already been answered throughout my life because I've tried to live worthy of those blessings but more importantly because it has brought the gift of the Holy Ghost. It did not take a major revelatory experience to make me understand that the answer was always there. It started the day I got baptized. It started the day I wanted to read my scriptures. It started the day I truly wanted to pray to Heavenly Father.

I'm a bit of a nerd but I read parts of the seminar that was addressed to the new mission presidents. I just soak up every opportunity I can to hear the words of prophets. I didn't read it for the intent of "this will be me someday" but more of "how can I become a better disciple of Jesus Christ?" I loved what Pres. Monson said: "Put your confidence in the Lord. ... If you take the Lord with you, you will find out that His Spirit goes before you." He also said: "My brothers and sisters, you have been hand-selected. You have been chosen from among the most faithful in the Church, and now you have the opportunity to go forth in the Lord’s harvest field." How would it feel to be told by a Prophet of God that you have been chosen from among the most faithful in the Church? That would incredibly humbling. Speaking about being obedient but more of having a change of heart, I love this by Pres. Eyring: “It is not what we have done that matters,” he said. “It is how our hearts have been changed through our faithful obedience. And only God knows that.”


God is good and kind and I'm so grateful that He is and extends mercy to me every day.