Does the proposal matter?

That was one of the first questions presented in our class. It means does the proposal set up the marriage in some way? They say it's the foundation of what the marriage will be like. I had to chuckle because my brother just got engaged.......through skype! In China! Who does that? :) If the location of the proposal mattered with the outcome of the marriage then my bro should just throw in the towel. I agree that there should be a proposal but as for the details of it and whether that be a core foundation for the marriage is not settling to me. I think the foundation of the marriage comes from the courtship. It's all about the process.

We also described in class how when you're first married you set up the roles, rules, and expectations. How do you deal with money? How do you deal with conflict? My insights came a little more from how to deal with conflict. There are 10 areas of significant incompatibilities with expectations and roles, etc that lead to divorce. And there are 10 areas of significant incompatibilities with expectations and roles, etc that lead to successful marriage. So what's the difference? It's how they dealt with it.

I love using scriptures as examples of this and to learn from. I'm glad we went over it in class. We looked over Doctrine and Covenants 121:43 and went into depth of the meaning of some of the words according to the 1828 dictionary.

^aReproving betimes with ^bsharpness, when ^cmoved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of ^dlove toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;'

Betimes' means seasonally or in it's correct season and before it's too late. 'Sharpness' is with surgical precision. It's not the kind of sharpness we think of. 'Reproving' means correcting or find fault. We also went to what the word edifying means. It's the Latin word ediphus which means build an upward direction.

It's kinda interesting when we think that contention is not of the Spirit but yet we always feel the best time to discuss of our irritations are when we are angry. I think this will create more problems...Have you ever knelt in prayer to have the Holy Ghost with you before you discuss an issue calmly? I need to try this more often. I sometimes say things that I'm not thinking because of the heat of the moment and I'm just a wee bit frustrated (like for example last night during the BYU game and some "macho" guy comments about how bad BYU was doing and...yeah let's not talk it) :) Now can't you see an issue that is directly towards me?? :)

The stuff we talk about a lot in the Church (especially to us youngin's)

Yep, the word is dating.

I think in the last two weeks I've heard this mention in almost every talk that I've listened to on campus in classroom, devotional, forum, and stake conference setting. But I'm so grateful for it. I feel like I'm learning new things every time but also solidifying things that I'm familiar with. In class we talked about how we are attracted to people that are similar to us in likes, education, proximity, and background.

We talked about how we date is to see how the other fulfills marriage roles. For example, the rule of thumb about a date according to Elder Oaks is that it's planned, paid for, and paired off. We correlated this to the Proclamation where it states that men's role is to provide, preside, and protect. We can line these 6 P's and we really do see how dating let's us see the other fulfill their role. And us as women should nurture his capacity to fulfill his responsibilities.

About the same time that I'm learning about marriage and dating in Family Relations I'm learning about what makes a good marriage partner according to psychologist Alfred Adler in my personality class. Three things for a marriage partner that is essential is that the person can obtain and maintain friendship, learns the ability to work and is interested in it, and devote themselves to the other person. To me that is amazing and very true. What was also neat is my professor shared a story of when he was trying to make a decision about who he was to marry. He was attending BYU at the time and Hugh Nibley was one of his professors. He knew him pretty well and came in at times just to chat. One time he asked Bro. Nibley if he and his wife shared the same interest in reading. He told him not a bit and he thinks that his wife reads the most ridiculous things and she thinks he reads the most ridiculous things! (I had to laugh at that part because I was like Hugh Nibley reading ridiculous things?!) Then Bro. Nibley gave some great advice to my teacher: As long as you see the Gospel eye to eye then the rest doesn't matter (or something of that sort). The next part is what I love the best. He said "If you marry a person who's committed to God then you don't need to worry if he/she's committed to you. Your covenant when you marry is really a covenant to God about this person rather than a covenant to the other person.

That reminded in my marriage class last semester where we read Goddard's book "Drawing Heaven into you marriage" (read it!) He said that he finally realized 30 years later what his marriage covenant was all about. It was covenanting to the Lord that he would be the Lord's partner in comforting Nancy (his wife), loving Nancy, and eventually saving Nancy because that is the Lord's work and glory.

Anyway I've learned so much and even though I have little experience in dating I really have no worries about it. I just keep doing the right things and being the right person and I will eventually get to that point in the temple where I can covenant with God.

As for now, I'll go read a Hugh Nibley book.

If so? Then what?

That is the question that Pres. Packer said everyone should ask themselves after we learn a new concept. We have been learning this week about gender roles. First, what I can say about this is that I'm so grateful that there are gender roles and that it's divinely appointed and we have always been the gender that we are. 

In the Proclamation to the World it says "ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

I like that is the Proclamation to the WORLD not just to the Church. 

Yesterday we were talking about same gender attraction and most of the time it has to do because of misinformed information of gender roles. First we have to stop labeling the person as "gay" if he likes to do art. Or if he's more creative then his other guy peers. Beginning with that can go a a long way.  

We need to teach how to helps kids know about feminine and masculine roles. It's one of these topics that I thought I would never have to learn for my future family but with how our children are being brought up in "enemy territory" then it's something that we have to know and help our children understand. Some things we came up with to encourage heterosexuality we can:

-teach the roles and promises of the priesthood to boys 

-Live the roles whether in priesthood responsibility or in the home. Be the example.

-Demonstrate a healthy marriage 

-accepting of interests, find strengths

-encourage healthy same gender friendships

-help prevent sexual abuse

-Don't label!

-LOVE them

My family culture

In class we talked about how culture is an integrated knowledge of belief and behavior. It's the shared attitudes, values, goals, and practice.

Whenever I think about culture it reminds me of last semester in my Marriage class where we did genograms. It was a description of three generations and the trend between temple marriages, civil marriages, divorces, cohabitation, and so forth. It was funny to bring into class a three foot butcher paper of my family line on both sides. The most amazing thing is that out of all the 75 grandkids there are 45 married and just about everyone got married in the temple and are still married. That is the same on my Mom's side. It's incredible though that they are still married. In class lots of people were discussing that they grew up not knowing if any marriage could really work because of their experiences. It made me appreciate more about my family legacy and culture. We honored families so much love and the gospel that we even pledge to our Grandpa that we would live worthy to take the sacrament, go on missions, and get married in the temple. This legacy and culture has made me greatly appreciate what I have and worthy passing down.

(so I had a whole lot more but when I tried to post it erased all of it and I'm too tired to put up the rest. Sorry but if you're interested in reading some good stuff read Elder Maxwell's talk on The Precious Promise. sooo good :)

Establishing a legacy of righteousness

I was really intrigued in class this week about the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 93:39 about how the wicked one cometh to take away light and truth through disobedience...and traditions of their fathers.

Bro. Williams talked about traditions are inherit traits passed down from one generation to the next. Every time I hear the phrase traditions of their fathers I always think of the Book of Mormon and how generation after generation there were those that fell away because of unbelief and who taught their children to hate the Nephites. I'm proud of those group of kids who decided to leave Amulon's group and join the people of Alma. They are making a turning point in their lives that will effect their posterity.

I think of Nephi who took the time to study out his father's words so he might know if they were true. 1 Nephi 2:16 is I believe Nephi's turning point in his life. Every decision he makes after that is because of that experience. He made a choice and the path of his posterity's life followed. Laman and Lemuel also made a choice and their posterity followed that.

But then again, I love turning points in lives and where the traditions of the fathers are corrected and suddenly someone steps up to the plate and says to these traditions, "No more." That is why King Lamoni and King Lamoni's father's stories are one of my favorites. What a change and transformation they went through as a result thousands were converted and peace was restored. Not only that but they taught their children and those children were the valiant stripling warriors.

To go along with this, just a quick personal note. I want to establish my own legacy of righteousness. It begins today even though I do not have a family of my own yet, what I do now will effect how I teach them and the kind of example I want to be. Part of the reason why I write in my journal is for my own sake to see the Lord's hand in my life that day but also for my posterity's sake that they will know that their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother knew the truth and lived it.

This is my tradition.